Ambassadors for Justice

¨He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.¨ - Micah 6:8

Nicaragua has passes a law that encourages inclusion of people with disabilities in education, work, and life. This law was passed last year, and today, the Asamblea Nacional (The National Assembly. . .the congress) met in honor of the upcoming national day of the disability to talk about how this law is being carried through.

I was able to attend this special session due to contacts and God´s goodness in opening doors. It was actually fun to dress professional to attend it.

Anyway, I woke up today not sure if I wanted to even be part of such thing where I knew they would be lying about the so-called accomplishments to help the people with disabilities. There is so much that needs to be done, and besides talking about it, I have seen little action.

However, as I was sharing with Michelle, director from Tesoros, she put this opportunity in a different perspective.

God is opening doors for us to learn more about what is suppose to be done, and that way we can do OUR best to carry through the law and bring justice to these people. We can help them carry through that law.

It struck me! It is SOOO easy to blame others. . .especially the government. It is so easy to blame God for injustices that we see. We are, besides, SO unpatient.

But He calls us to act justly. . .to love mercy . .  and to walk with Him with a humble heart, in surrender! It is not about who is doing what, but about the responsibility that we have as God´s embassadors on the earth.

Then I say. . . I am not equipped. There is no way I can bring the justice our children with special needs deserve to have. need to have. I have so much to learn yet.

However, the little boy gave all he had to Jesus (two loaves and five fishes). That was all he had. How in the world was Jesus going to feed the five thousand!? But He was obedient and gave what he had. And Jesus multiplied. He did His thing. That is all I need to do. Give Him all I have, and He will do His will.

So, I went with an open mind, and I thank God for having patience with me, and allowing me to have these opportunities. I pray He may continue to give me more opportunities to learn more, and act justly to represent Him well. He is giving me the honor to be used by Him. To act upon. Hence, I must.

Stuck in the Airport can be good . . .

Nintety percent of the times I travel, my flights are always delayed due to a plane problema, weather, or they just are delayed. At first, it would stress me out. However, as for today on my way to Idaho, I am finally surrendering and letting God work while I wait for when I actually will leave (I was suppose to leave at five, but now we leave at 8:30ish).

Anyway, I´ve been taking advantage of this time to be soaked in Him, and I felt led to read Isaiah.

Let me back up a little.

I have been struggling with accepting the lack of other opportunities our children with special needs have, and keep questioning God what will happen once they graduate from the program.

It is so common to see an adult with a physical limitation begging in the streets. Yes, maybe some of the adults could try to use their strength or gift and somehow make a living out of it. But, there must be some support. It breaks my heart that once a child with special needs is an adult, they receive no support from the government or school or anything except most likely family. Then, they are not able to contribute to their family.

So, then I think of my kids at Tesoros. What will happen to them.

Now, let me bring you back to Isaiah. I read the Isaiah 55, and felt like the specific bible verses 8 - 9 (ironically the name of this blog) are for each of our children and their mothers. I can trust that God will bring peace and joy in their lives, and will show them and their mothers His higher ways and thoughts. He has a beautiful purpose for each one of them. He is faithful and loving that way.

So, I prayed those verses (and the whole chapter) back to God for the mothers and children with my headphones playing some Misty Edwards music. God fights for them, and myself and Tesoros staff will fight for them because God does. I will fight as long as God allows me to and gives me His grace. I have peace they are under His unfailing love and wings. Still wrestling, but trusting in Him more.

He is sovereing, just, wise, and loving.

His Joy, My Strength

Nehemiah 8:10

"Do not grieven. For the joy of the Lord is my strength."

One of our Tesoros de Dios students embraces and lives out this bible verse. Her name is Estefany, and in our Tesoros de Dios facebook page we have been asking people to pray for her.

https://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=463371860340205&set=a.414698248540900.100323.132639130080148&type=1&theater

At age 15, Estefany began began showing symptoms that led to her being diagnosed with Axonal Polyneuropathy, a neurological disorder that occurs when many nerves throughout the body malfunction simultaneously. It has been a huge lifestyle change that presented many new obstacles for her and her family. (Taken from our newsletter)

She is now sixteen years old. She has been in the hospital intesive care for a month now. She has had surgery since she has been struggling with breathing. The hospital has a rule that will not let her mom to sleep at the side of her daughter, she sleeps on the hard benches outside for as long as her daughter has been in the hospital.

These are the benches outside of the hospital the she is in. They aren´t very comfortable.

Today, we went to the hospital with the intent to offer support, love, and prayers to Estefany´s mother. We know it can be difficult for us to go insideto see her. So, we weren´t really thinking that would be a possibility.

God had something greater however. We were able to go inside the hospital into intensive care, and see Estefany´s beautiful smile. Everytime I visit her, I am so encouraged by her smile and positive attitude. Yes, a heavy heart for the pain she carries. But, so encouraged by her joy.

Here she is, laying on bed, dependent on a machine to breathe, with a tube on her throat, only able to see her mom for a couple hours, not knowing if she will wake up the next day. Yet, she greets me with a huge smile, and as I ask her how she is doing, she moves her mouth to say:

Mejor. Better.

And gives me a another huge smile. Her mother and extended family love Jesus so much and are still hoping on Him to touch her with His healing hand. They are sure of the hope that there is after life, but do not lose hope to how God can work through her life.

Estefany is so filled with the Spirit, and most definitely has His joy, which indeed is the strength that allows her to encourage her mother and visitors like myself.

Please pray for her and her beautiful family. They are an inspiration. I have lots to learn from this joy and hope that my beautiful friend, Estefany, has.



A Plethora of Encouragement

There has been a lot going on lately. God has been ripping, sowing, watering, pruning me through a long transitioning time. It's been both hard and good. He is always good. I would like to share a couple verses from my own Bible reading and Utmost Highest that God has used to bless my heart, and to guide my path.

Also, as illustrations to how I felt before and/or after reading these passages, I will use pictures I took of my brother, Gabriel, a few weeks ago. He did not really want to practice his spelling words, so he decided he would pose to me all the emotions he feels before, during, and after a spelling test. It was all his idea. I promise.

Be blessed by the Word of God and by the creativity of my brother. :)

" Do not worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then, you will experience God's peace that exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

 Philippians 4:6 - 7

 "'Stand up and praise the Lord your God, for he lives from everlasting to everlasting!' Then they prayed. . ." 

Nehemiah 9:5

"He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn't produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more." 

John 15:2

" He rescues the poor from the cutting words of the strong, and rescues them from  the clutches of the powerful. And so at last the poor have hope, and the snapping jaws of the wicked are shut." 

Job 5: 15- 16

 . . I am with you to deliver you,’ says the Lord —Jeremiah 1:8

God promised Jeremiah that He would deliver him personally— 

“. . . your life shall be as a prize to you . ..” Jeremiah 39:18

Oswald Chamber reminded me that deliverance comes from denial of self, and complete surrender. Thank you God for the opportunity of deliverance and the new song you give to your children!

One of the mothers from Tesoros showed me this powerful video of an exemplary paternal love of the Hoyt team.

This weekend, Nicaragua celebrated Father's day. Unfortunately, it is not as celebrated as mother's day because of the lack of paterternal presence in the life of many people. In Tesoros, out of the 81 kids and families, only 5 actually come to Tesoros to be involved with their children's growth. In Latin American, children are products of an affair and therefore probably do not know father; other children are abandoned; other children have alcoholic fathers; other children have fathers in jail; and I can go on and on. 

I praise God for my father, and for using Him as an example of my Heavenly Father's perfect love. However, I know the percentage of those who have a father like mine is little. I pray that more man may take that responsibility in being that example.Wouldn't it be wonderful if every father had that sacrificial love as our Heavenly Father and as this father in the video?

Church in Action

Tesoros de Dios has partnered with World Orphan and the churches they work with. This ministry not only walks alongside with orphans, but it also prevents children from being orphans. They are currently providing opportunities for children with special needs to receive value, education, and support. Many of the children with special needs in Nicaragua experience the same challenges described in the following article: beggars, trafficked, ignored.

This article written by the head of World Orphan in Nicaragua, Amanda Sadie, shows the sad reality, but highlights how our Powerful, Merciful God is working. The Child Development Center that she mentions at the end of the article is similar to the one we work closely that is diligently reaching out to the special needs community in impoverish areas.

Child Development Center provides safe place for Nicaraguan kids 

By Amanda Sadie, Nicaragua Directors

My husband Jacques and I have spent the last six months living in Nicaragua, working for World Orphans. We have learned a lot, witnessed much, prayed hard, listened often and asked a lot of questions.

About half of Nicaragua’s population lives in poverty (earning less than $2 a day) and one in five live in extreme poverty (IMF, 2010). This number hasn’t shown marked improvement over the years. Public policy, traditionally favoring the small elite class, along with low levels of technological progress, poor education and health programs, inappropriate natural resource development, a number of natural disasters, and recent global recessions have all factored into what some say is an increase in poverty.

Nicaragua doesn’t have the highest orphan population in the traditional sense of the word. The country hasn’t been as affected by AIDS as many African countries. But economic, political, natural and culture factors leave many children in Nicaragua vulnerable to abandonment when the family doesn’t have enough money to provide for them. Sometimes, children are forced into child labor so that their earnings can help support their family. Many of these children will be kidnapped or lured into the sex trafficking industry. (Nicaragua is a principle ‘supplier’ of trafficked children.)

While a child’s parents are walking the streets trying to sell copied CDs or perfume, or digging through the area landfill to see what’s sellable, the child is left alone – vulnerable to accidents, house fires, or to the abuse of people from the neighborhood. Many children are forced to work or beg instead of going to school.

In our travels to different neighborhoods around Nicaragua we’ve seen many of these children. We’ve seen a tiny four-year-old carrying around her baby brother while her mother and older siblings worked in the landfill. We’ve seen a child who suffers from epilepsy have a seizure on the street while alone and not medicated. We’ve met seven-year-olds who spend the day selling candy, gum and cigarettes in street markets. We’ve heard of an eight-year-old boy being sexually violated by gang members who found him alone in the streets. We’ve seen the scars of a four-year-old who’s mosquito net caught fire and burned most of his body when he was left alone by his mother. We’ve watched as small children juggle at the traffic lights and then beg for money hoping to have some to take home to their families.

One church in a poor neighborhood, strongly affected by crime in the capital city of Managua, has a response to caring for the vulnerable children in their community. The pastor and his family at Verbo Sur wanted to open a Child Development Center – a place where children could come while their parents were at work, a place where they would be safe and cared for, where they would get an important head start on learning, and learn about Christ’s love for them. Through a partnership with World Orphans the Child Development Center at Verbo Sur opened at the beginning of September.

Yesterday we visited the center to see how it was going after being open for a few weeks. The teachers were full of smiles, and told us they already see the fruit of their labor. They see the children stop crying and become accustomed to being at the center; they see children begin to break out of their shells, to hear them talk and laugh; they dance together, paint together, read together, and pray together. As they told me about the kids being kids – running around the room or fighting over the crayons – the teachers’ smiles remained, their love for the children and for the Kingdom work they’re involved in very apparent.

We feel blessed to be in Nicaragua and to witnesses not only the poverty, but also the love of Christ being preached loudly through the Church’s love for the children in their communities.

 http://www.worldorphans.org/blog/2011/10/child-development-center-provides-safe-place-for-nicaraguan-kids/

What to do?!?

“I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer.”

 Martin Luther

One of the girls from India from Sarah's Covenant Home whom loved to pray.

Coming back to Nicaragua, I want to do so much. I love being able to work in ministry for children with special needs. This week, we went to different rural communities to visit homes and encourage parents and children with special needs. Many of these families believe that their child is not capable of learning, or is just afraid of facing failure.

However, I feel like I face more than changing the mindset of people about children and people with special needs, and highlighting the potential that these children actually have! There is much more I want to do! There is poverty; poor education system; overlooked children like orphans, children with special needs, or children living by the dump; women facing injustice; hunger for discipleship.

I am not super woman, but I desire to be like the Son of God who gave himself to touch and speak love to all these people during His ministry time. I want to be involved in visiting more community to enhance awareness that children with special needs really are God's children; I want to go to orphanages to support the kids with special needs; I want to teach English to women rescued from prostitution; I want to lead discipleship bible studies to new members of our faith family; I want to somehow be a voice for the children not receiving the education and support they deserve.

Yesterday, as I was telling my dad all I want to be involved with, he kindly reminded me of Luther's quote. Yes, there is a lot of need everywhere you look. It is a broken world, and God desires His Kingdom to come in this broken world. And He wants to use us as His ambassadors, as broken vessels to help with the transformation and restoration. However, "you need to make sure you leave room to be with the Sovereign One."

He shared of how when he graduated from seminary, he wanted to preach all the time. He compared that to how I am feeling. God convicted me through my dad's work in reminding me to remain in Him, to pray without ceasing, to seek His Kingdom first.

I don't know how Jesus did it. Ministering with love and patience all the time, and still getting away from the crowd to pray to His Father. I need to continue to let Him teach me. That way I may rely on Him, and when, in His timing, He leads me to be involved with those different ministries, it will be His strength. . .and not mine. I am willing, but in the process, I need room for Him teach me to be more like Him.

What must I do. . . seek to serve, but most importantly, seek Him first through prayer.

I found this quote from Corrie Tan Boom: “Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?”

I need to ask myself that every day. I really want my relationship with God to be my steering wheel. I fail, but His mercies are new every morning.  

Exalt the Weak and Humble

One of my responsibilities in Tesoros is supporting the few teachers that are willing to have an inclusive classroom around Managua. Out of out 80 children with special needs in our ministry, 20 of them actually go to school.

This past week, I went to visit two schools. It was surprising the difference between both schools.

School 1 -
One of our seven-year old boys is in a pre-k classroom. He has been leaving the classroom without permission, and has been found in dangerous places. Three of us from Tesoros went to talk with the teacher to know how we can brainstorm ideas to decrease that behavior. Well, this young teacher has a small classroom with 37 3- 6 year-old children (with no help)! "He needs individual attention that I cannot give," the teacher said with a concern face. She is willing to help, but does not have the time, resources, or energy to do so. I am so grateful the school and the teacher is not denying the right of education of this student, but am troubled by the lack of support teachers like her receive from the government.

School 2-
One of our most motivated teenagers with cerebral palsy goes to a fifth grade classroom in a great Christian school. He has been very tired lately because of the amount of work and homework he is asked to do. We met with the teacher and principal. Unlike school 1, this teacher has less than 18 students, and loves this boy so much. During the meeting, immediately he took note of giving less homework, yet continue to challenge him academically.

He shared the story of a boy in the fifth grade classroom that had a lot of behavioral problems. He sat next to our Tesoros kid, and when he notices that Tesoros boy is tired, he started helping him. Now, they are good friends, and his negative behavior has decreased significantly! I am so thankful for God's provision of schools and teachers like these where there is room for our children with special needs to also contribute and learn.

It is hard to see the unequal opportunities of education for our children with special needs. Few schools are great at providing opportunities, some try there very best, and many that reject that opportunity for them. I am blessed and praise God for the two schools that are desiring to give children with various capacities value by confirming that they can learn when allowing them to learn with the rest of the children.

I have faith that God stays true to His Word, and that He will exalt the weak, humble, and rejected just like He exalted Jesus. He will continue to open doors for people to see His glory through them in schools, churches, society.

I am on-board, Jesus, to follow you as you close and open doors for the best of your children. Thank you for letting me.

I'm driving!

Last Monday, I began driver's ed. In order to get your license, one must go through driver's ed not matter how old you are. Not many people here have vehicles, so not many go through the driver's ed. However, that does not make it any easier. Interesting, right?

Anyway, when I began driving lesson, I was immediately challenged to drive in the city. . .which is crazy! This is relatively how I felt:

After having the car turn off, almost running over several people, and coming close to hitting a couple cars, and oh, almost being hit by a bus. . . I think I finally have a hang of driving in the city. ^_^

On Friday, I did the most terrible mistake in a main road, and I just had to pull over let my frustration out. My instructor, Don Ramon, was sitting next to me telling me what I did wrong, how I can do it better, and encouraging me to do it again. In his voice, there was gentleness, and firmness.

I did it again. It went better. The car did not turn off, other cars were not honking loudly at me, and I did not come even close to hit any car. Yeah, I did better.

While learning how to drive, and specifically this incident, I was fascinated by the idea of how the instructor reminded me a little of what God does in my life. I would much rather not hear what I am doing incorrectly. I know I did something wrong, but for my own pride, I would like to not know what I did wrong. But, my driving instructor needs to tell me, and I need to hear it, for my sake and for the sake of others. I cannot give up.  I must try it again to do it better.

God does this oh so much. I know I make mistakes. . . hurt someone's feeling, pretend to ignore something, hide from a situation. But, God is faithful to point out where I am failing, what I did incorrectly. To know how to do it better next time to become more like Him, to bring me closer to Him. For the sake of myself and others.  I call this trimming my branches IN ORDER to grow.

I know I fail and make mistakes, and that is where God's grace will pick me up and keep me "driving" without killing myself or others. Thank you God for your grace that abounds so freely.

Philippians 1:6

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will 

carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." 

Philippians 1:6

Tuesday morning, when it was time for the kids to go receive class or therapy, the mothers could not move. Their hearts were touched; their eyes had tears of hope; their eyes also showed amazement. 

On Tuesday, a group of four from Tennessee came to visit our center. Two were pastors, one was a pastor's wife, and another college med student. They all were willing to serve God through serving the children, mothers, and staff. One of the pastors, Daniel, came all the way from Tennessee to share his testimony of how God has brought him here. He shared it before the children had to go do school and therapy.

Here is a gist of his testimony:
Daniel was diagnosed with cerebral palsy when he was six month old. The doctors told his parents that he was never going to walk or talk. But, his parents never lost hope in God. And they taught their son to have faith on God alone. Before he was a teenager, he was able to walk and talk. Not because of anything anyone did, but because of "the faith I had in my God." He lives on his own, is in charge of his own ministry for the homeless downtown, and communicates fairly well. "Mothers," he said, "do not give up on your son; do not give up on your daughter. I know it is difficult. Trust me, I know. But God is faithful. And what He has begun in your child, he will be faithful to complete it. He is walking with you through this journey." 

The Spirit used Daniel to encourage the mothers and bring comfort to their hearts. To remind the mothers that they are not alone.

One of the mothers stood up, spoke on behalf of the mothers in the room, and asked if her son could shake Daniel's hand.

"I see my son in you. My son has always said he has wanted to be a pastor, and he also has cerebral palsy. I believe my God will continue to touch Him like He has already. I believe he will someday walk."

That is the faith God has called us to live out. Looking dumb to the world for believing impossible things can happen. I do have faith my friend here (Geovanny; who already has blessed me in uncountable ways) will indeed walk, and God alone will be glorified. Not Tesoros, not the doctors. . .but God alone. Just like God is glorified through people like Daniel. And what is better is that God is not done with Daniel or Geovanny yet either. He has so much more for him also.He has so much prepared for each one us.

Our hope can only be in our God alone. If He is faithful to complete what He has begun. . .He is faithful to be there through the process.

Just beautiful . . .

This picture is beautiful. 
 
I love how this mother is lovingly kissing her son as if saying, I will never abandon you. I will always be here. You are special to me.

I love how this precious boy is gladly receiving her kisses and love. He not only receives it, but he is giggling. He is thoroughly enjoying this. He knows she loves him, and he in respond, loves her.

This week, is mother's day in Nicaragua. Holidays are usually BIG in Nicaragua, but Mother's Day is one of those that is highlighted the most. So, in Tesoros de Dios(where I work) we have been celebrating mother's day since last week. :)

For this particular picture, one of the groups of students sang a song to the mothers, told their mothers "I love you," gave them some arts-and-crafts, and ended with them giving them a hug and kiss.

Let me share a little background:
One of the requirements for a child to be in Tesoros, is for an adult to accompany the child in the therapy process (and at times education) so that at least someone in the house may know how to do the same therapy strategy in their homes, and the child may progress.

I would say that 85% - 90% of the adults that come with the children are the mothers. Some of the mothers carry their child that is heavier than them because they don't have a wheelchair or the buses are not made for wheelchairs to fit (only a few out of the 80 children have a vehicle). But that does not stop them. The fact that they may be single mothers, or that they do not have finances, or that their child looks and acts weird does not stop them at all. They strive and live for their son/daughter to reach the full potential God has made them to be. Because they know their child is special, wonderful, God's handiwork.

These mothers portray strength, patience, sacrifice, and love that comes only from the Lord.

It is beautiful.

My praise to the Lord is that these children have mothers that love them in a sacrificial way. My prayer is that more and more orphans around the world may experience the love of a mother somehow. Every child deserves to be kissed like this little boy. Every child deserves to giggle as they are kissed.

Thank you Father for allowing me to celebrate with those children that can be thankful for the love of a mother. Please provide maternal love to every orphan in Nicaragua, India, Haiti, and everywhere.

His lenses

This week:
First day of work, grandpa's stroke, youngest brother's chicken having little chicks, feeling anger towards the injustice with the insurance medical companies one of our students is facing, learning how to do physical therapy on some of our students, being reminded of the need I have of the Holy Spirit.


Some of these events are exciting, wonderful, a blessing. Others are challenges, more difficult, a blessing.
I have been reading through Job, and listened to a John Piper sermon on the first few chapters of Job. In the first chapters, Job says "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord." God gives every single exciting event, person, thing. But Job makes it seem like the Lord also allows the injustice, sickness, weakness. He is sovereing, and He promises to be with us in trouble, as we walk any valley. And in that time, we are also called to bless His Name.

(Here is the sermon in case you are interested in listening: http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/job-reverent-in-suffering )

Anyway, having that revealed to me through the Holy Spirit, and wearing the Spirit's lenses, I am able to see His sovereignty in every situation. this is what I got to see how the Lord was present in the two bigger events.


First day of work: I was nervous, but oh so excited! This was a blessing more than anything. Through His lenses, I saw the glory of God that every single child portrays. I cannot believe God has chosen me to see that, and actually be able to serve them.

Grandpa's stroke: God has been healing Him, and He is now spending time in our home. yay!! When he was in the hospital, ALL my family was in the waiting room and then in his room. When I say ALL my family it is uncles, aunts, cousins, cousin's friends, cousins children. . .everyone! My grandpa was having a ball with them, and them with him. There was laughter. It was beautiful to witness. Laughter is medicine to our heart. I saw the truth to that.

Injustice: One of our students is in a critical condition, and the doctors are not wanting to allow her to have the medicine she needs because they say it is useless. If we take that to court, because this family is a humble family and they would be facing the director of the hospital, then the case would be lost. It is the discrepancy of power that unfortunately exists in my country. However, as we went to visit her and her family on Friday, her family's trust and joy and strength in the Lord in this valley is beautiful! God is a just King, and He will bring justice when the Lamb returns as a Lion. And He will bring restoration to our dear girl.

My prayer is to be able to have His eyes, wear His lenses,  be like Job and trust and bless Him every season in life. 

In Nicaragua!!

This past week has been a whirlwind. It is hard to believe that it was a week ago that I was done with student teaching, and was traveling with my family to Dordt for graduation.

Now, I am home. I am home in Nicaragua with my family; with what is familiar to me. 

Landing in Nicaragua on Monday afternoon, heat and humidity welcomed me. A big daddy hug and Nicaraguan Spanish also welcomed me. But also, as we stepped outside of the airport, a little boy with ripped shirt, no shoes, and a flower he had made out of a palm tree leaf welcomed me. He showed the flower to me and asked us for money.

I know there is poverty in Nicaragua. I went to the States with a underneath assumption that there is no poverty in America. . .which, yes, it does exists in America and many ministries are thankfully reaching out to them. Hence, I student-taught in a public school in the city of Chicago and worked with the Hispanic immigrants in Sioux Center. However, poverty in the States is a little more hidden, behind the walls, personal (homeless people are an exception). In my beautiful tropical country, poverty is so visible and right on your face.

Seeing once again this reality, I relate more with my mother's emotions during graduation. Being able to graduate from a private, Christian school in the United States of America without leaving a debt behind is ONLY God's handiwork and grace. It is a miracle, really. Never could we afford it; never could my grandparents think of a gran-daughter studying in America; never had I imagined completing this.

So, returning to my country, where many dream the American dream to work in America to help their families in Nicaragua, is a given opportunity to declare God's goodness and grace in our lives granted through His salvation. 

"Why would you return? Why are you working there? Why didn't you marry and stay there? "

These are some questions already asked to me. People want the best for me. And for some, living in America is the best (not my parents though. . hehe). But, God cares even more for me in a perfect way. Hence, my response to these questions:

God has called me here.

Our Lord cares for this nation so much. He longs for their hearts, and desires to give them Hope in Him. I happen to be an instrument that He has decided to use to share that hope. He chose me for this task! It is humbling, my friends. So humbling. I'm so imperfect and have yet so much to learn, but still He entrusts me. So, like Job, I will bless His name at all times. When He gives and when He takes away. I will bless His name always.

So, here we go!

Loving the Kiddos

Being on the bus and train on my way back, I have to have a break and surrender once again. It is so easy to give up, to stop trying to be creative, to complain, to be ready to be done, and be sorry for yourself. And over and over again, my Lord with His abundant mercies reminds me once again that it is about Him writing the story, about Him guiding me, about Him taking charge. After all, He is my Lord (Lord meaning the one who ultimately gives the instruction and we are to obey).

There is so much to write about my kiddos and time in Chicago, and so little time to write. But here are a few snapshots of my wonderful kids that drive me crazy, but love so much already. These stories is what the Holy Spirit uses to remind me of how blessed I am by them, and how this is what God had planned for me this semester:

1- One of my little girls LOVES to touch my hair, and to boing my curls. Today in small group, she could not stop pulling my curls and saying, "Miss Gomez, I love your curls!"

2- Another of my little girls came up to me at least ten times during the day to tell me that her grandmother was coming from Puerto Rico. . .every time she told me, she still had the same excitement! The next day, when I thought I was done with having to ask a kid to sit down when they wanted to share something exciting like grandma coming. . .a little boy came up to me and told me at least ten times that his uncle from Pakistan was coming to visit. Welcome to a multicultural first grade classroom. :)

3- A little boy with autism I worked with during my special education placement saw me in the hallway last week, and he stopped and looked at me and said, "HEY. . .you! You are baaaack!" Very high-pitch voice. Then continued walking.

4- All of my kids call me like this: "Miss GomEz" (with entonation on the e, none on the O like there should be. . it almost sounds like a little tune). I love it!

5- After having a lesson on the 3R's last week, today, many of them came to me telling me that they recycled, or reused something. I was so proud of them.

Our 3R project for Earth Day! :)

6- A little boy willingly sharing his only prize candy with another classmate who somehow lost his candy and was tearing up.

So, in the mist of the busyness and the crazy situation in a public, intercity school. . . there are many jewels. I will be teaching all of the subjects still until Thursday. Friends, teaching is tiring! And then, my last day of student teaching will be next week Wednesday. . .when my family arrives Chicago terrain for the first time.

Looking back to this student teaching semester through Chicago semester, it has been the hardest semester, but God has used it to prune me and watered me to grow more in Him. Hence, I thankful for it, and will continue to live every day for Jesus alone.  Never would I had imagined I would be here three years ago. But that is what happens when you jump in the boat with Jesus and let Him row. You have no idea where you are going, or how you will get there, or how you'll survive. . .but you know for SURE that Jesus is there, and that should be enough. And to think that this is just part of His plans. . . there is even more! Alrighty!

First Grade Parade

On Thursday, we had a field trip to the library. We walked to the library. All the three first grade classess were going. So, here is the math:

33 (my class) + 34 (another class) + 32 (another class) =99

Yes, 101 children that are 6 to 7 years old crossing streets to get to the library. I was just a little stressed. My kids were teasing me to run to the street, others were just dancing while we were walkling. Holy Moly, I was so thankful that all my 33 kids made it to the library, and back to the classroom! God is good!

My relationship with the kids is so much fun! I enjoy being with them, and we laugh often. I am finally feeling more comfortable with teaching my lessons, and they are learning! Now, it has take me a while to be in this place. Nevertheless, I am in the beginning stage of creating better instructional activities for my children.

One of the many things I have learned is that it is a HUGE challenge trying to create activities that everyone is capable of doing, reading, writing when every single student are at different levels. One of my students reads chapter books, and writes three pages (and correlated paragraphs too!), and I have other students who can barely read or write.

Also, I have realized that my classroom is too small for all my first graders to be in. I have tripped over them more than five times this past week. They are always talking, and honestly, they are so near each other that even if I move a student to a different group, they still will talk. So, I have decided that I will try classroom management, it will not be perfect and there will always be something going on. It gets tiring at the end of the day, but that's the life of a teacher.

Most importantly, what I learned this week is that when God asks us to not be anxious, it does not necessarily mean that suddenly my children will listen, or that suddenly my students will have family support at home, or that all the things I need to do before graduation will dissappear. Somehow, I just thought that by declaring that I would not be anxious and cast my burdens to Him would make things easier. But, NO. I was wrong. Thank you Holy Spirit for teaching me. What that means is trusting completely, whole-heartedly that God has got this. It is trusting that He will use me in my brokenness and while He uses me He teaches me and gives me His Spirit (peace, wisdom, joy). It means that I need to walk blindly but not blindly towards Him even when things seem crazy.

So, to God be the glory for anything good that happened in my classroom for my second week of full-time teaching. Here we go third and last week of full-time teaching! 

Recharged

This was me last week:

This is me now:

All it takes is letting yourself soak in God's grace and love. It takes surrounding yourself with a community that loves Jesus and loves you. It is more than sleeping for more hours, or actually eating meals, or having a break from working. Yes, I think it is part of the "rest aspect," the idea of sabbath. However, it is coming to the Lord and letting the Holy Spirit fill you through reading Scripture, praying, and being in solitude.

I have had the blessing to spend time with my friends, and then with a family at a cozy home (last night I got to see the stars!!!), and will be returning to Chicago tomorrow to do lesson planning, and then enjoying Jesus' victory over death on Sunday with a friend from elementary that lives in Chicago!

While reading His Word this week, God gave me this verse in Psalm 18:

For who is God, but the Lord?
    And who is a rock, except our God?—
³² the God who equipped me with strength
    and made my way blameless.
³³ He made my feet like the feet of a deer
    and set me secure on the heights.
³⁴ He trains my hands for war,
    so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

If we obey and take that step of faith (yes both faith and obedience going alongside), God strengthens us, guides us to His blameless, perfect way, protects us, and equips us for battle. This week, I re-found it. And am ready to find myself in trusting in His power everyday.


Needless to say, I am ready for next week! Ready to share His love. Ready to apply my learned lesson of finding rest in Him everyday in the mist of busyness. 

"I Will Give You Rest"

Next week is spring break for the public schools. . .the kids were ready for it, teachers were ready for it, I am ready for it! :)

Today, we worked hard in the morning, and then created things and had an easter egg hunt in the afternoon. Here are some of the creations we did:

We created ducks/chickens making their hands their wings. They had to help Daisy Duck how to show in two ways $1.56 using dollars, quarters, dimes, nickles, and pennies. Oh, they went crazy! They loved it!

Then, we created bunnies were they could place their easter egg:

It was fun to see their personalities being portrayed in their bunny creation.

I've learned that first graders need a lot more help doing things. That there is a lot more prep time for activities like these for six year old children. And that Daisy Duck has magical powers to become a rockstar. 

After talking with my cooperative teacher after school about the upcoming units I am teaching when we return from spring break: Earth Day thematic unit, Lady in the Moon for Reading, Money for math, and Adjective for Writing; I got in the bus, got my sandwich (it was 4, and I still hadn't had lunch. . .ufta), and  I could only thank God for His faithfulness and His strength. He definitely gave me what I needed this week. As I invited Him into my day in the mornings, He was and is there when I wake up, as I travel, as I enter my class, as I see each of my students, as I confront discipline, as I leave the room, as I meet random people in the bus, as I write lesson plans, as I read His Word, as I got to bed . . . He is with me every single minute. He is Emmanuel.

So, I cleaned my room, my good Paraguayan friend and her boyfriend are coming over this weekend (I'm stoked), I will go to Zavala's family for a few days to rest, and will take it easy in lesson planning. It will be a good week. The Good Lord knows the rest is needed.

He gives us what we need.

First Grade Love

I have never done a practicum in first grade, and what I love about them is that the students love you no matter what!

Yesterday, I was just tired of seeing every classroom management strategy I've learned being thrown out the window by my little ones. So, I sat down for a little bit and breathed. As I sat, two little girls came and hugged me. Just randomly. No reason why. Granted, I was asking them to work on the activity on their desks not talking or walking around. But, it was God's way of saying, I love you and I love them. Learn to love like they do.

Then today, one little boy at the end of our small group for reading leaned back, and said with a very serious face, " Miss Gomez, I think you are doing a good job." In my mind I said, "well, you don't know about lesson plans, and how hard it is to find fun activities with so many kids, and, and, and. . ."

Sometimes, I'm telling you. . .I just need to stop, and receive and take it easy.

So, thank you Jesus for your encouragement through my first graders! Despite all the faults, they still love me. Likewise, despite my faults, God still loves me. Actually, He uses my weaknesses for His glory and power to be revealed. Holy Macaroni (my first graders love when I say that!)! He is beautiful.


This full-time teaching this week is tiring, but I have bee having fun with my kids, and I am for sure learning a lot! :)

Sinking or swimming?

"So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."

Hebrews 4:14 - 16

When Jesus was walking under the sun, hot, hungry, thirsty and teaching with love about the Kingdom of the Only God, His Father. When He was teaching about His love for them, and how to turn away from their sins to live out the grace God offers, I can image that Jesus was tired, that not everyone was listening, that there were people making fun of His teaching in that crowd. I can imagine Jesus being frustrated at their hardened hearts, and at the situation. Yet, he remained obedient, and He did not sin.

So, what does this have to do with this past week in first grade? 

I taught everything except writing this past week, and it was rough my friends. I felt like I was sinking in a ocean this week with children not responding to discipline or encouragement, lesson plans flopping, seeing the hurt that these children face at home, children punching each other while I'm teaching a lesson, polygons being thrown across the room.  It is not easy, and I am ready to get away from the city, and my natural instinct is to walk away from a challenge.

Don't get me wrong, I am SO privileged to serve these 33 children. They sound crazy, and yes, they are a little bit. But they are also six and seven year old children that long to be loved, that long to learn to love, and laugh and make me laugh.

After I draw a stick person on the whiteboard with a mohawk, one little boy draws every person with a mohawk (both girls and boys), and proudly shows me. 

But it is challenging and tiring. I miss the Dordt community support and am anxious to be home.

But you know what, I've been reading through Hebrews, and I am convinced that Jesus understands me. He knows what I feel. I cannot explain how I feel, but Jesus undestand, and all I have to do is go BOLDLY to God's throne full of grace and mercy and dwell at His feet. Jesus experienced suffering, discomfort, temptations . . . I most definitely will, and I will remain obedient to my God just like Jesus did. I need His help, yes, and He gives it graciously. 

I need to do three weeks of full-time teaching, and this upcoming week will be the first full-time week. So, I am entering this week realizing that I am not sinking in an ocean of AHHH, but an ocean of grace. He is teaching me how to swim in it. If you are self-conscious for being a slow learner, dont' be, because I am definitely a slow learner in trusting and receiving the fullness of His grace and love every morning. My oh my, He is beautiful!! 

Hence, Jesus understands. He has come to this earth, and has experienced it. And He sets the example. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we can follow His steps in every situation, and can swim in His ocean of grace.  

It is midnight, wrote plenty of lesson plans, ate chinese food with my wonderful roomie that made our stomach upsets. . . now off to bed, and I can testify once again God's faithfulness today!!

I'm Walking on Sunshine

The weather outside has been beautiful, I feel as if I have been with my first graders for a month or so although it has only been two weeks. The out-of-ordinary nice weather outside has made my students be ansy to be outside (who doesn't want to be outside?), and made it challenging to teach some of my lessons.

I began teaching polygons for math, and my students have created different creations with polygons such as a robot, people, houses, cats, etc. Also, I began teaching social studies unit on work. We played charades, which they LOVE, learned about needs and wants, how to set up a lemonade stand, and shared what their parents do for job (apparently being a vegetarian is a job).

I continued to work with some students on their writing with the "If I had a pot of gold . . ." prompt. It is a neat opportunity to see the inside of my students' mind: what they love, who they love, who they like (wink, wink), and what situation they're in.

Here are some writings:
If I had a pot of gold, I would buy Amy a jet pack. We would share it. We would have fun.
Writes my Russian student. Amy is another girl in the classroom.

Let me share another writing response from little Lizzie:
If I had a pot of gold, I would spend it on a house. 
And we would not move. Mom could pay the rent. 
It would be nice. 

As I was reading this, my heart almost sunk at the realization of the blessing of a stable, physical house  AND a stable family. I wanted to run and find that pot of gold, and give it to her so that she could have a stable house.

I had a realization of how humbling and fortunate it is to be able to get to know these children, and offer the best I have, which is the love of Jesus. My students have seen and experienced more than they should at their age. But, still they laugh, dance, share, and learn! God's grace in their lives is evident. 

So, as I pick up Language Arts next week (teaching all subjects except writing! AHH!), and create activities that seem like just games and coloring (it is how they best learn), I will walk on sunshine. . but not just the sun rays from the beautiful weather, but the Light of the Jesus through the life and love He offers to us sinners.

I pray my students can see His Light in me, and that students like my Nigerian Oma who is very verbal about her faith in Jesus, can see an example of a follower of Jesus in school. For that though, I need His grace and yielding to Him.

Pot of Gold

If you were to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, what would you do? 

Little Pakistani Ali: Some I would give to the poor. I would keep some to buy a desk because in Pakistan we can have desks and I would study. 

Little Greek/Hispanic Amanda: I would give my pot of gold to my mom because I love her. I love my mom so much. She is so nice. We would give money to the sick kids in the hospital.

Little Middle Eastern Muhi: I would give all of it to the poor. 

Little Nigerian Oma: I would give my pot of gold to my Nigerian friends in Nigeria because they can't use dollars or they go to jail. They would be happy with gold. 

Granted, these children sit separately from each other. These answers are priceless. . .beautiful . . . makes me wonder what they have all gone through. How I would of loved to say, "That's awesome. You know, Jesus would do that also. He gave up life in heaven with His Dad to come and live with us where everything is dirty, different, poor." That is the price public education pays though; not mentioning Jesus unless asked.

This week, I got to know the 34 students (I know all the names, but still need practicing pronouncing some). Here are some facts I learned of the class overall:

• As you could tell from the names of my kids, they all come from various countries: Pakistan, India, Nigeria, Hispanic countries (including Guatemala), Lebanon, Greece, Russia, Philippines, and some Middle Eastern Country (cannot remember). I find this fascinating and beautiful! My one English Language Learner speaks only Arabic and little English (not Spanish unlike Sioux County area).
• Already there is drama of who is my friend and who isn't, and he likes me, but I like another boy. *Sigh* 
• Most of them are children living in poor homes. Most of them get the free breakfast, and because first graders share more than they should, I learned that many of them come from broken homes. 
• They are so lovable, and already I have received many, many hugs! I cannot wait to get to know them better, and love on them and learn to teach them best.

 I do miss my special ed placement children. I am fortunate to be in the same school, because I get to see them walking to places. They wave dramatically and yell "I miss you Miss Gomez!" If it were appropriate, I would dramatically wave my hands and scream back that I miss them too. Instead, I smile a huge smile and  say "me too," and then put my finger on my mouth because they are being too loud.

These children are a pot of gold itself. God blesses us so much through children. Thank you God.

*The names are not real. I think it best to protect them by giving them fake names. You will find this throughout my upcoming blogs*

Jars of Clay

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:7,18

 Another version for verse 7 is this one:

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the exceeding greatness of the power may be of God, and not from ourselves" (ASV)

or check this one out (I think my favorite one yet):

"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure.This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves." (NLT)

I am a fragile clay jar that contains the great treasure of Jesus Christ. This verse is the logo verse for Tesoros de Dios (God's Treasure), a ministry for children with disabilities in Nicaragua. 

These children with various disabilities come from homes with low incomes, and have had to deal with rejection from family members, society, schools, and even governmental organizations. Tesoros de Dios provides the opportunities for these children and families to know the treasure of Christ, to hope for the unseen in Jesus, and to realize that they themselves are treasures in God's eyes because Jesus came to die for them. . .because even if these children where the only ones on this earth, Jesus would still come and die and rise for them. 

I got to work with these beautiful children at Tesoros summer 2009

Michelle Adams is behind Dr. Van Tol (this was take last October for a special ed workshop). Michelle is the director of Tesoros. Her vision and passion for this ministry is God anointed! It's beautiful.

When I graduate and return to Nicaragua, I will have the privilege to join this ministry, and learn and see God's fingerprint in this place, children, and staff. Being in my placement at Jamieson has been given me a different perspective on special education, and the following seven weeks, it will continue to broaden my perspective on public education in a low-income community.The Lord is preparing me.

Today, public schools celebrated Pulaski day, which meant that we could all stay home and honor a Polish leader in Chicago. Yay! So, I went to Elim Christian Services, which is a ministry that reaches out the children and teenagers with disabilities here in Chicago. I sat in various classes, and jotted down many great ideas to bring to Nicaragua. 

Elim is always excited to equip people, schools, churches within the America and to various countries, one of those recently being Nicaragua, Tesoros de Dios.

God's Ways are for sure Higher and Better than I could ever fathom to think. God knew I was going to  serve at Tesoros de Dios. He knew Elim was going to begin supporting Tesoros. He knew that I would be student teaching in Chicago and make it more than just student teaching to graduate or for the experience, but for creating and strengthening relationships. 

I cannot wait to being teaching first grade. I cannot wait to finish student teaching. I cannot wait to go home. I cannot wait to begin serving at Tesoros. I am just a jar of clay trying to hold this precious light of Jesus. And He is letting me do that in every step of life. Isn't God just so good?

What's the puzzle piece?

When I was little, I liked puzzles (still do). I remember that the puzzles pieces would get lost with my doll's dresses, my hairbands, and daddy's cassettes. Where would these items escape to, till this day, remains a mystery. However, once those things were lost, I would abandon my puzzle set and move on to the next, new puzzle set until one or two pieces would get lost. 

On Friday after school, my cooperative special ed. teacher described teaching special ed as "finding the lost puzzle piece that fits in the big puzzle." Many of our kids have potential, but something in the curriculum or instruction does not fit and is incomplete; hence, our students struggle in succeeding like the rest of the class.

It is not the child that misfits or that is broken, it is the system/ the instruction/ the material.

Little George is not the broken one, it is the environment, the lack of routine, the lack of visuals, the lack of collaboration. Little Erica is not the broken one, it is the above-her-level readings and math worksheets that discourage her from even wanting to learn.

(Clarification: we are all broken and in need of Jesus, but what I mean here is that society usually sees the disability in children like my students first and not the person that they are created to be. My kids are so beautiful and special. . . I know Jesus definitely thinks so (Psalm 139 my friends). )

So, my job as a teacher is not to walk away from the missing piece like I did when a small child, but create one so that the puzzle is complete. So that the puzzle no longer is a puzzle. This past week was my last week in the special education placement, and I believe I have come a long way from the beginning of my placement. Sadly but excitingly, I now move on to another puzzle to put together in first grade.

"Godincidence" in Chicago

It is a busy time, but I must take time to testify to God's faithfulness and providence!

One thing I miss from Dordt is the community in the college and in my church; however, God's takes you to a place for a purpose and he knows what you need. He knows the desires of your heart.

So, He has provided a lot of random connections in Chicago that I would have never imagined:

This weekend, I spent it with a couple from Nicaragua. They know my dad very well. In fact, Pastor Roger (his name; her name is Flor) married my parents!! My dad found out he lived around Chicago area, so we called each other, made arrangements, went to their house and church, and was spoiled and loved by them two and their family!

The Zavala family on Sunday after church! :)

Then, this weekend, as I was heading to the library, I randomly bumped into one of our adopted American siblings (for those who know me, my family hosts Americans in our house a lot! we adopt them. ^_^): Joel Dozeman is his name. He was my English teacher in middle school, and then history teacher for another year, and then lived with our family for twoish years. He just got married on January, so I got to meet his beautiful wife! They will be here in Chicago for a month. I had no idea. He had no idea. But we bumped to each other getting on the train! My roomie and I had dinner with them yesterday night already. This is definitely more than coincidence!

Joel is the one on the end with blue t-shirt.

Here are more:

Also, another of my adoptive siblings that stayed with us four years ago, also lives in Chicago, and we got together to have dinner!

A good friend from Nicaragua, Michelle Adams, connected me with one of her friends - Lauren. We will be working together when I return to Nicaragua; and already she has become a good friend.

A friend from elementary, Laura Guerrero, whose parents are our family friends, are also in Chicago and have kindly offered some Nicaragua food! Thank you God for facebook. ;)

All I got to say is thank you Jesus! We just need to be obedient to where he takes us, and He takes care of every SINGLE detail.

Curious George + IEP + coughs = full time teaching

I am not sure how to sum up this week, so here is my choppy, poor writing intent of explaining it. Please bear with me:

I got to talk to the mother of one of the kindergartener boys with autism in SPANISH! He has been challenging all of us with his behavior, and it has been interesting to see the social work, my cooperative teacher (sped. teacher), general teacher, parent, and myself put our minds together and see what we need to change in order for our little boy to be less tense and more open to learning. We discovered he is imitating curious George! Who would have known!

I also got to learn more about keeping track of meeting the five to six IEP (Individulazied Education Plan) goals for all my ten kids from k - 2nd grade. This includes making photocopies of their assignments to keep as record, grading their assignments differently from the rest of the classroom, modifying their tests and homework, and daily evaluate what changes need to be done. It truly is fun! Busy, and a lot of papers, but makes everyday different.


While explaining doubling to one of my second graders, he coughed on my face, and got phlem all over my face. We are still working on teaching him to cover his mouth when coughing along with other social skills. He is getting there! :) Unfortunately,  I am feeling a little sick, as do most of my kids. There were many of them that were absent this week. In my second grade group, one out of my five kids I work with was there today!

Overall, yes, it was a crazy busy and tiring week, but if there is one thing I embraced this week was that I should not lean on my own understanding, but trust in Him who has control of the universe, including my life. Some of the students I am working with still don't know that I am Ms. Gomez (and it has been five weeks!), but God has given me the opportunity to get to know not only their IEP goal, but who they are, and their potential (which there is so much potential). He has allowed me to see my dear students through His eyes. He speaks to me through them.
 
As if could get better, He allowed me to experience beautiful blessings such as:
- seeing how a first grader with autism is doing better with transitions from when I started to work with him
- a second grader L.D. (learning disability) is growing to have a love for reading! 
- my most challenging first grade group for centers being engaged in the activities I had for them, which made classroom management easier
- so many people encouraging me through verses and sending prayer my way! So needed, and so overwhelmed by this kindness and love.
- Psalm 63

- finally, the past two mornings, I've been getting ready listening to this song.  He's blessed me with this song. I encourage you to listen to it.

Jesus becoming a man to save the world, and then sending His Spirit to converse with us at every season of life, every single day, minute, second! If that isn't awesome, I am not sure what it. His salvation, mercies, love, life is what makes me excited to go to school to meet my kids. I get to share that with them. Unfortunately not with words, but with actions. 

The joy of Special Education

"Ms. Gomez, do you speak banish?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know like, hola or uno"
"Oh, Spanish! Yes. I do speak Spanish (emphaized on the pronunciation)."
Cute kindergarten girl proudly smiles, "me too. I also speak Banish."

I have loved these random conversation with my students from kindergarten, first grade, and second grade. 

Here is another,
After taking a test with a first grader with autism, he and I, holding hands, head back to the general classroom. As we passed by a valentine's quilt, he stops, points at this picture

and says, "Eeeewwwlll!!! Ms. Gomez, they are kissing!" Right after the comment, he continued walking.

This past week, I taught all morning classes, and for some afternoon, I was left alone with the general classroom teacher and the students. I am slowly learning how to best approach how to make the worksheets, tests, activities less overwhelming for the students while the student is in the general classroom in order to be proactive and avoid tantrums. But I've also been learning how to calm a student who has a tantrum in the middle of instruction (still not completely successful, but will get there soon).

What I love about special education is that every day varies. On Tuesday, I dealt with the problem of a student freaking out because routine is broken; on Wednesday, we had to search for social stories (stories that help children understand something that sometimes other children understand immediately) about why you listen or why you don't pick your nose.  On Thursday, we meet with social work to help a second grader learn how to make friends.

I also love special education because our students are more than special. They are children that God cares for, has a plan for, and works through. My students have challenged me, not listened to me, listened to me, but mostly BLESSED me. They bless me in more ways than just making funny comments that make me smile and even laugh out loud; they bless me with their "aha!" moments when their light bulb turns on; they bless me when I see them interact with other children with genuine care. They bless me with who they each are are the one whom God "fearfully and wonderfully" made. 

Despite all the paper work that comes with special education, the collaboration with teachers (which is not always easy), and digging even deeper as to how a child can learn, I love special education. period.

Yeah. . .I can be a teacher

Monday, I came back to my apartment, and told Becky (my roomie),
" I think God did not call me to teaching. I can't be a teacher!"

Let's rewind a little: Six hours before, I was teaching a math lesson, and my second graders were not willing to listen to me, and I did not explain the concept well. I did a few 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 classroom management techniques. It worked for a few minutes, but after a few minutes, it was back to "normal." I think what made it worse was that my supervisor came to observe me. It was humbling to know that I could have done so many things incorrectly and that I had stumbled.


However, as the week progressed, the Holy Spirit pressed in my heart that God's grace is sufficient for me. So, after Monday, for the millionth time, I surrender my pride to God and completely depended on Him in teaching (God is so merciful).

I did not teach math until Thursday again because they had review on Tuesday and a test on Wednesday. On Thursday, when I was at the school ready to do some copies, I realized that I had left my lesson plan at home! While I was walking to the front of the classroom, whispered to Jesus, "I need you," and off I went following the quick post-its I made to remind me of the progression of my lesson. Folks, the lesson went so smoothly! I still had a few hiccups, but who is perfect? His grace is sufficient indeed.

This week, I also have been teaching language arts to my second grade special need students, and it has been great getting to know them. They are curious and are coming a long way in reading from what I have heard they were at in the beginning of the year. Again, getting to know them, and seeing their progress is only because of God's sufficient grace.

Lastly, on Friday afternoon, I took the my six first grade special needs kids out of the general classroom to a different room so they could take their math test. It was only me and them this time. My cooperative teacher was not there. As we entered the room, one of my kids threw a tantrum, another threw the books in the ground, and another decided he wanted to take the test laying down on the bench, refused to sit. I sighed, and confident that God's grace will help me through, I was firm, talked to my kid with a tantrum, calmed down eventually, told my kid that threw the books, "First take the test, then read" and he sat down comforted by that, and the kid not wanting to sit down finally sat (after I gave him a check; not a good thing to have). After a few minutes, they were all taking the test with occasional complaining. At the end of the hour, they all successfully took the test with me running around from student to student to help them read and do some problems. No one was hurt, they finished the test, and I was alive. God's grace is sufficient.

So, reflecting on my week. . .yes, I can be a teacher.  But not on my own strength, but God's alone. Through His guidance, grace, and love. God has not called me to a profession, but to a mission, which is to love these children and any student I ever have in the future. And I do. I love these children. I love my kids at Sarah's Covenant Home (http://sarahscovenanthomes.blogspot.com/). I love the kids at Tesoros de Dios (http://www.tesorosdedios.org/).

My special needs students are so smart and sweet (I got a couple hugs for the first time this week!!!). It is challenging, and I am learning, and will continue to stumble, but will continue to walk with His grace alone.