Sinking or swimming?

"So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."

Hebrews 4:14 - 16

When Jesus was walking under the sun, hot, hungry, thirsty and teaching with love about the Kingdom of the Only God, His Father. When He was teaching about His love for them, and how to turn away from their sins to live out the grace God offers, I can image that Jesus was tired, that not everyone was listening, that there were people making fun of His teaching in that crowd. I can imagine Jesus being frustrated at their hardened hearts, and at the situation. Yet, he remained obedient, and He did not sin.

So, what does this have to do with this past week in first grade? 

I taught everything except writing this past week, and it was rough my friends. I felt like I was sinking in a ocean this week with children not responding to discipline or encouragement, lesson plans flopping, seeing the hurt that these children face at home, children punching each other while I'm teaching a lesson, polygons being thrown across the room.  It is not easy, and I am ready to get away from the city, and my natural instinct is to walk away from a challenge.

Don't get me wrong, I am SO privileged to serve these 33 children. They sound crazy, and yes, they are a little bit. But they are also six and seven year old children that long to be loved, that long to learn to love, and laugh and make me laugh.

After I draw a stick person on the whiteboard with a mohawk, one little boy draws every person with a mohawk (both girls and boys), and proudly shows me. 

But it is challenging and tiring. I miss the Dordt community support and am anxious to be home.

But you know what, I've been reading through Hebrews, and I am convinced that Jesus understands me. He knows what I feel. I cannot explain how I feel, but Jesus undestand, and all I have to do is go BOLDLY to God's throne full of grace and mercy and dwell at His feet. Jesus experienced suffering, discomfort, temptations . . . I most definitely will, and I will remain obedient to my God just like Jesus did. I need His help, yes, and He gives it graciously. 

I need to do three weeks of full-time teaching, and this upcoming week will be the first full-time week. So, I am entering this week realizing that I am not sinking in an ocean of AHHH, but an ocean of grace. He is teaching me how to swim in it. If you are self-conscious for being a slow learner, dont' be, because I am definitely a slow learner in trusting and receiving the fullness of His grace and love every morning. My oh my, He is beautiful!! 

Hence, Jesus understands. He has come to this earth, and has experienced it. And He sets the example. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we can follow His steps in every situation, and can swim in His ocean of grace.  

It is midnight, wrote plenty of lesson plans, ate chinese food with my wonderful roomie that made our stomach upsets. . . now off to bed, and I can testify once again God's faithfulness today!!